Tuesday, March 29, 2016

Mental Preparation

Since my mom has passed away I have gone through the grieving process.  It hasn't gotten easier but I have noticed that I have more good days than bad.   The bad days continue to be very tough but at least there are some good days.  I've come to find out that if I mentally prepare myself for each coming holiday or major event that my mom should be at I can usually make it through the day.  I pay for it in the coming days after the holiday or event but I can make it through.
Easter was another difficult holiday to get through without my mom but I prepared myself for it and tried not to think of it throughout the day.  By the end of the day I was mentally exhausted but I was glad that I could be in the moment and spend time with my family and focus on Grady and how much fun he had.  I broke down later Sunday night and my arthritis is starting to flare again but I know that it will pass...hopefully soon.  

I'm sure that people think that this isn't the way that I should grieve but this is what I can do to get through the days.  I miss my mom so much that some days it physically hurts and some days I don't know if I will make it through the day.  I'm doing what I know and can do and we have several more 'events' coming up.   My mom's birthday is in two weeks, followed by my grandma's two weeks after that.  Scooter's graduation party will be May 14th and his actual graduation ceremony will be the following weekend and the big one year anniversary of my mom's death will round out May.  I can't begin to explain the anxiety I have for each of these events and hope that I can get through them the best as possible.

I hope that one day I can be at peace with the death of my mom or at least be able to move on.  It continues to be a struggle each day as I want to call her and talk to her and tell her stories of Grady that I know would make her laugh.  I'm mad that I was shorted and lost my mom so young, I'm mad that Grady has to continue to grow up without one of his grandma's, and I'm mad that my mom will now with her to see her future grandchildren (no I am not pregnant but someday I will be).

Easter 2016

Easter started very gloomy but ended with bright sunshine.  We started the morning at church for the Easter service.  Grady went to nursery while my dad, Jesse, and I went to church; I stepped out a few minutes early to get home to to set up stuff for Easter.  WHen Grady got home he was welcomed with Easter eggs all over the front lawn and when he got out of the car he yelled, 'mommy, the Easter bunny came!!'.  He loved finding the eggs and putting them into his basket.
Once he found all of his eggs we headed inside to see what the bunny had dropped off.  Grady got WAY too much candy, a few Veggietales DVD's, a Bible, Paw Patrol trucks, and some Mickey Mouse Duplos.  He was spoiled and I know that but you only live once and he is my only child so I'm over it!  He LOVED his Bible and we read it last night.  I'm hoping to find some prayer books that we can read nightly as well.  
Once he was done playing we headed to my in-laws so that Grady to see if the Easter bunny stopped there.  Of course the bunny did and Grady got some great outdoor toys to play with once it gets nicer, some Mickey Mouse play dough, a CD player (Grady was so excited) and he got more candy!!  We seriously have so much candy it is ridiculous!!!  Jesse and I dropped Grady off with my dad so that he could take a nap and we went to have brunch with my husband's side of the family.  It was a great brunch and then we headed back home so that I could help my dad with our Easter dinner.  
The kitchen is finally 100% done at my parent's house and this was our first family dinner since it has been finished (a reveal post will be done later this week).  We made ham balls, mashed potatoes, rice, and deviled eggs.  Grady headed down to Bee-ba's on his 4-wheeler after his nap to find that the Easter bunny had stopped there as well.  He did another Easter egg hunt and found his Easter basket inside full of books, The Good Dinosaur DVD, and a John Deere flatbed truck and tractor.  
I hope everyone had a great Easter....I'm still recouping!!

Wednesday, March 16, 2016

SH!T My Toddler Says...

So I wrote a post a while ago about how funny my husband and I think Grady is.  I've been writing the funny things that he says down and am just compiling a list so I can embarrass him in years to come! I love that my child is so random and he constantly is making me laugh.

'Daddy, do you have a mouth on your teeth?'

'Mommy, I wanna say cheese.'  Let me see that Grady (after the picture has been taken he wants to see what he looks like'

As my dad and I are walking out of Walgreens Grady tattles to me, 'Mommy, my Grandpa just told me no'

Mommy, you know tell me no.  Grady you need to watch your mouth.  OKAY MOMMY I WATCH MY MOUTH!

Grady screaming as he won't go to bed in Key West, 'you no talk to me like that'.  'you no act like that'

As I was upstairs picking up I sneezed and I hear Grady downstairs say 'bwess you mommy'

Daddy, why did grandma mee-maw but a bib on me?(my mom has been gone for almost 10 months so this was a really random comment.  He also asked me the other morning why I had his Grandma Mee-maw's cup.  I'm so glad he remembers her, I show him pictures and we talk about how much she loved him and how we will see her again one day).

This morning he wanted to go in the crawl space because he needed to look for something.

Grady asked me this last weekend, 'mommy, did you take a shower?' Yes I did Grady.  'You smell like butt paste.'  Jesse asked him later when butt paste smelled like, 'strawberries'.  I'm still not sure if this was a compliment or not.

Grady, it's time to take a nap.  'I'M BUSY!'

Tonight as we were eating dinner, 'Mommy, you need get me a kid.'  As Jesse and I look at each other trying not to laugh.  'So you want to be a big brother?' 'Yeah...but it has to be a boy'.  (No I'm not pregnant and not planning on anytime soon)

'Mommy, do you know what darn't means?  'No, what does it mean?' 'CHICKEN BUTT'

'Oh craps' (after he drops something)

Oh how I hope he continues to make us laugh!!  He brings a smile to my face even on a bad day.   I hope everyone has a great week!

Friday, March 11, 2016

5 on Friday!!

So I'm trying to get back on my blog schedule and decided to go with the 5 on Friday that Karli at September Farm does!

My Five:

1.  Today my baby brother turns 19.  It makes me feel so old because I was 12 when he was born and I remember everything about his childhood.  I had wished for a little brother for years and years and was finally granted one!  Although he drives me CRAZY 99% of the time...I love him dearly and so thankful I have two great brothers!

2. CPA Exam.  I officially started studying to take my CPA exam.  It's something that I wanted to do for a long time but didn't ever carve out the time to do it.  A little push from my husband and my boss got the ball rolling.  So for probably that next year I'll be studying my heart out.  My motivation for getting it done is my husband and I agreed that we could take Grady to Disney World once I pass!!

3.  Easter Outfits: I love Easter and all the pastel colors and I love shopping for my little guy.  I"m headed out this weekend to try to find coordinating outfits for everyone for Easter!  Wish me luck!

4. Anniversaries/Birthdays: We are slowly creeping up on my mom's birthday, Mother's Day, and the 1 year anniversary of my mom's death. Mix all of this in with Scooter's graduation...I'm going to be an emotional mess for the next few months, so I'm apologizing in advance.

5.  Grady's Big Boy Room: we have been doing an overhaul on Grady's room and I can't wait to share it with you.  It's a mixture between Pottery Barn and Target's new Pillowfort line (which I LOVE).

Have a great weekend!!

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Thursday, March 3, 2016

Grady Eugene: 2.5 Years Old

I know I say this every time I post a Grady update but I seriously don't know where the time goes.  I can't believe that my little guy is going to be 'free in yuly' (three in July).  I can't believe how much he is growing every day.  He simply amazes me and I love him so much.
We've been trying to work on him with using the potty but he has NO interest at all.  He will tell you when he has pooped and peed and wants to be changed right away but has no interest in sitting on the potty.  We've been reading potty books and talking about it all the time but my child is stubborn.  We signed him up for three year pre-school that starts in the fall (he will go two days a week for a few hours) and he has to be potty trained.  I think we may have our work cut out for us!
He still LOVES his bee-bee (binky) and we are trying to limit the time he has with that as well.  It calms him when he is really upset and he still 'needs' it at bed time.  We are going to work on not having it at all once i find all the bee-bees that he has stashed throughout the house.  He knows that he can't take bee-bees to school and if we go into a store he can't have it either.  I think it's more of a comfort thing for him than anything.  But we are going to do one thing at a time!
This last week we changed his crib to the full size bed.  Grady hadn't been sleeping well and when I would get him up in the morning he didn't look too comfortable so we decided to switch his bed and buy a full size mattress.  We have completely redone his room and it is looking great (blog post to come on that later).  He loves his new bed and that mommy and daddy can lay with him.  He looks so little in his bed but it has been great.
My little guy is still little according to the growth charts but he makes up for that in his personality.  He is the goofiest kid I know and makes us laugh every day.  He talks from the moment he gets up until its time for bed.  He loves to be silly and do silly things and his laugh is so contagious.  He is so sweet and loves to snuggle and watch 'Mouse' before bed.  He knows that he is going to be three and that on his birthday he gets presents (he's really excited).  I'm planning a John Deere themed birthday this year and have already started pinning stuff  for it (we are going to have a very busy spring so I wanted to get started early).
Grady makes us laugh every day and says random things all the time that whenever he says something I put in my phone so that I won't forget.  He's really into the 'why' stage and 'where's it from' stage.  He wants to know where his bed came from, where his blanket came from, etc.

Grady LOVES to sing his ABC's, The Wheels On The Bus, Pop Goes The Weasel, and No More Monkeys Jumping On The Bed.  He is starting to get more into reading and I actually ordered a few more books for his so that we can get into a better routine to read every night before bed. Grady is very independent and likes to do most things on his own.  He like to help with getting drinks and takes his step stool (what he calls his ladder) everywhere so that he can reach things.  He gets juice out of the fridge or string cheese and can also get a granola bar out of the pantry.  He likes to put his shoes on by himself and tries to put his hat on too.  However, if he doesn't get something on the first try he gets discouraged so that is something we are working on.  He'll say he 'can't' and I'm trying to teach him that he can do things on his own and sometimes it takes more than one try.

A few months ago we were sitting on the couch relaxing and he started to jump.  He kept saying 'mommy, I'm bubble jumping'.  We have no idea what it means to 'bubble jump' but every time he jumps on the couch he chants 'bubble jump, bubble jump'.  He thinks it's so funny (as do we).
He wasn't listening one morning so I was getting after him and about five minutes he came up to my and said, 'mommy, lets be friends'.  He came running to me the other night because he fell on his butt and it must have hurt pretty bad.  'Mommy, I fell on my butt, can you kiss it?'  No buddy, sorry I'm not kissing your butt.

He was building with is legos and couldn't get one of them to stick, 'oh craps'.  I'm so glad that he can make me smile everyday!
He asked me earlier this week, 'mommy, do you know what darn't means?'  'No buddy, what does it mean?' 'CHICKEN BUTT (and he starts laughing)'.

He talks about his Mee-maw often and his Grandma and Grandpa Berndt and how all three of them are in heaven.  He asks me often if heaven is in the sky and point and says 'mee-maw in heaven'.  Those days make me cry but I'm so happy that he is remembering her and that he talks about her.
Grady and Baloo are getting along pretty well.  Grady loves to hug him but Baloo isn't always thrilled with that.  Grady often wonders why Baloo doesn't have a tail (we call it his nubbin) and why other dogs do.  Grady loves to feed Baloo and give him treats!

Grady is still loving almost any kind of fruit and loves to eat string cheese.  He would eat macaroni and cheese every night if we let him.  He loves any kind of juice and likes to have protein shakes in the morning.  He eats eggs and waffles on the weekends and enjoys ice cream every once in a while.  He uses his manners most of the time and that makes his daddy and I so proud.  He loves to play with his legos to build, playing with his tools and tool bench, he still lines everything up (especially his John Deere tractors), and loves to play with his trains.  He also loves to see old videos on him when he was a baby and likes to take pictures on my phone and look at them!  Sometimes he will yell, 'mommy, lets take a selfie!!'
We love you Grady Gene and we are so proud of you!!